


Maiden Immortal (of) Lovely Fangs

by LuarRosa



Series: Adventures Containing Really Obnoxious Names You'll Miss [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Ass Pocket Touching Without Warning, Biting, Chalk, Dramatic narration, F/F, Felony, Food, Gay, God Complex, I deleted the draft and forgot the tags, Implied/Referenced Stalking, Meta Humor, Mild Blood, No Men, Poetry, Possession, Ult Dirk Is Not A Character But His Essence Is There, gay longing, meta narration, ultimate!Rose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:07:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21651973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuarRosa/pseuds/LuarRosa
Summary: Rose is gay, and she wants to be gayer with her wife, Kanaya! However, she doesn't seem to be around. Welp! That's probably important.
Relationships: Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Series: Adventures Containing Really Obnoxious Names You'll Miss [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1805998
Comments: 14
Kudos: 25





	1. Ball

> Rose: Feel frustrated. 

You are so tired of this. "Dave" this, "kat" that, you've had enough of these bitches. The pillars of fanon are unbalanced, and you need to do something about it. And while descending the stairs to your chambers, you wonder what exactly you are going to do. 

> Rose: Get the balance of fanon. 

Oh? You actually expect yourself to do such a thing? To help your fellow wlw's to get the truth, relevance and essentially they need, and restore the balance of the gay people? Foolish. Foolish, you say. 

> Rose: Be gay, do crime. 

That's more like it. 

It's not like the first option isn't important, or honorable. In fact, it is, more so than the one you chose. However, this kind of job is for something like a Heir, or a Thief, not someone as chill as you - a Seer - are. You could, for example, guide such a great hero to a world of women loving women, breaking the fanon ruling of your sweet brother and his hella companion, and replacing it with the beautiful image of you, and your beloved wife, exchanging tender kisses, while sitting on the throne. However, such an adventure would be too… Lawful, you might say. You are not the kind that sticks to the rules when pursuing your wishes. That is for the weak of heart. And you do actually mean "heart" as in the organ, not the aspect. Fuck the Heart aspect. 

> ???: Tell Rose she sounds too angry. 

Why do you sound so angry? I mean, of course, you have full reason to be, but is this perhaps a purposeful anger, or an exaggerated one, one that you should get rid of? Perhaps Kanaya would know how to judge that in a situation like this…? 

Oh what are you thinking. Sure she is experienced in the field, but you are an expert in psychology, and you know exactly what you're doing. It's not like your rage-induced actions have ever gone wrong. 

> Rose: Think about what you just said. 

Yeah, that sounds about right. 

That said, you do need to get back on the subject at hand. Being gay. You wouldn't call that an easy task, but one that you long in doing ever since you were born. Just think about women. 

> Rose: Think about women. 

Ah, Kanaya Maryam, what great beauty. Sometimes you wish you could just go wherever she is, sit down with her, and hold her hand. After wishing so, you realize you could actually just do that on demand, and so you do. Which is to say, you are currently ascending in the stairs instead, to look for her, and acquire the loving touch of her palm. 

As you get to the actual "house" part of your house, you call for your beloved several times while looking for her, until you realize she is nowhere to be seen. Where could she possibly be? "

"Yes," it says. You throw it as strong as you can on the wall, only to pick up a crystal ball, also from the floor, and seeking within that instead. There she is. Your wife. She. Look at her. 

> Rose: Look at her. 

You have been doing that for some time now. She's so pretty. Her hair is so neat. Her face is so cool. She walks like a queen. Her clothes are so good looking. She's beautiful. Hot, even.  
  
But you sit down to take that in. Too much hotness can kill a woman, you know. And you are not looking for death today. That is, unless death is your hot wife dressed as the Grim Reaper. Which is probably not the case, but you wanted to think about it either way.  


> Rose: Don't stare for too long that's just creepy now. 

Okay, true, you just turn that light bulb of yours off, and decide to look for your wife by foot. Or rather, by flight. Walking is for losers. 

... 

Except Kanaya. 

  
You'll just go.  
  
As you fly around, you realize you need an excuse to be even thinking up here, since the sky *is* pretty boring. There aren't any vehicles or people here, especially since the state of wherever you are in hasn't been properly introduced (not that it ever will, either), but of course, you can't just think of entertaining things without things to look at. Unless you're blind, you guess.  


Speaking of blind, you see a house down there of whom you think is one Terezi Pyrope of Alternia, also known as “The blind troll that's lowkey attractive to you, but you wouldn’t say so out loud.” You land on her lawn. It's a pretty nice house, you say, even with all the bright colors and toys hanging around. Actually, especially with those. You could casually go there and knock, but... 

> Rose: Cause problems on purpose. 

Why does that voice have such an infatuation with memes and wordplays? Couldn't it simply say things without it? How relevant is a sight within fanom, if it is so specific to its time? Not very much so, you think. Although perhaps it is the idea of the text being this specific, that makes the joke so timeless. Making even the most recent readers feel like it is dated, and fulfilling the true purpose of being an "off" commentary. Do they, by chance, remember longc-- 

> Rose: Question since when have you noticed these orders. 

Oh, from the very beginning. It shouldn't need to worry, though. You are feeling a very "problem-causing" mood lately (in which "lately" means "since you were born") 

> Rose: Proceed. 

You pick up a chalk off the ground. What will you do? 

> Rose: Draw penises. 

You are related to Striders, sure, but you are no close to their immaturity and obsession over phallic, ironic imagery. If you do something funny, it shall be actually funny, and be only within 10 layers of irony, as opposed to the Strider Standard of, say, 413 layers. That said, you have yet to decide what you will actually do with the chalk. 

> Rose: Draw pussies. 

Now THAT is an idea you can get down to. You draw the face of a few cats smiling, while you wonder just how many people you or your friends have met who are cat-adjacent. “Do it for Roxy,” you think. That’s why you also dribble a very detailed and well-made vagina there. You are proud of your work. Certainly Terezi will think the same. 

TEREZI: H3Y L4LOND3

Terezi has her body sticking out from a window up high. She’s dressed in a way that makes you wonder if she even got changed since yesterday morning, but also as if she’d say “TH3S3 4R3 JUST MY NORM4L CLOTH3S ROS3 1 PUT TH3M ON M1NUT3S 4GO" 

TEREZI: YOU KNOW 1 C4N H34R YOU R1GHT

Oh. You had not considered that. 

ROSE: I beg your pardon. I did not think of that.  
TEREZI: Y34H Y34H NO ON3 R34LLY C4R3S SO  
TEREZI: PLUS YOU'R3 R3P34T1ING YOURS3LF  
TEREZI: 4LL 1'M S4Y1NG 1S  
TEREZI: 1'M NOT L1CK1NG TH4T  
ROSE: Damn.  
ROSE: Do you at least like it?  
TEREZI: 1T'S PROB4BLY 4 GR34T DR4W1NG, TH4NKS ROS3  


She doesn't sound very inviting, so you suppose this is your turn to leave. What now? 

> Rose: Eat the chalk you're holding. 

What? You're not doing that. Why would you? It's chalk. It's not edible. Only Pyrope would eat it, and she tastes things differently. You have no reason to try it. 

> Rose: Eat it. 

You... 


	2. Ass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Discover the taste of chalk, see Rose use speedrun strats, June Egbert is there,

… Take a small bite off the chalk. It tastes like ass. Not in the sense that you'd say when it tastes simply really bad, nor in the sense that you'd say it because it reminds you of the shitty kind of food you'd eat as a kid, but in the sense that… It just tastes like actual butt. Not that you've tasted many different buttocks, of course. You simply think this chalk feels exactly like what softly biting a butt is to you. 

You drop the rest of the chalk on the ground. 

But speaking of butt, you do still have a destiny. A wife to search for. Unfortunately for the narrative, actually looking for her is quite boring, given all you did for now was fly around. Fortunately for you, that means you can cheat the fuck out of this game of hide-and-seek. 

> Rose: Get a cheat guide. 

You fly towards the nearest GameStop. No pun in the name, it is simply the actual store called GameStop. There, you need to go to the magazine section, and find what you need. That is, if you knew how to buy things by normal means, instead of just cheating it too. 

> Rose: Cheat buying games at GameStop. 

You roll through the contacts in your phone. 

You are calling egirlButt [EB]…  


She picks up. 

???: hello?  
ROSE: Now listen to me, young woman.  
ROSE: I am talking directly into your ear now.  
ROSE: I need you to do me a favor.  
ROSE: You will do this for me.  
ROSE: I need you to go to gamestop, and I need you to ask the bastard working the counter if they have the PlayStation CodeBook 2001 Edition.  
ROSE: If you come back empty handed, you'll be in big trouble, ma'am.  
ROSE: You will never see the light of day.  
???: …  
???: well i certainly don't know what's up with you but i'm assuming that's normal behavior!  
???: i'll be there in a bit!  


You hear the sound of the wind hitting the walls of reality, as this strangely alive breeze comes down, opens the doors to the store with great magnitude, forces the magazine to fly with it, and, after spinning around the counter (leaving 20 bucks on it), finally stopping as the magazine gets to your hands. And so, it manifests itself in the image of the very lame, although lovable and surprisingly cute, dear friend of yours. June Egbert. 

JUNE: hi rose!  
JUNE: what are you doing?  
ROSE: What I'm doing, June, is too important for a mere mortal to understand.  
JUNE: well… uh…  
JUNE: i am just as mortal as you are!  
JUNE: which is to say not at all!!!!!!!!  
ROSE: I simply cannot disclose the details of it to people.  
ROSE: But I needed this magazine to proceed, so thank you for helping me.  
ROSE: I appreciate it deeply.  
JUNE: you're welcome.  
JUNE: can i help you with anything else?  
JUNE: i'm not really busy with anything.  
ROSE: Hmm…  


You think about it. June? The Heir of Breath? Helping you with your mildly erotic and soul-fulfilling goals of felony and homosexuality? Sounds appealing… 

> ROSE: Decide. 

But you have to deny. This is a job for a lone wolf. A lone cat, you might say. Which doesn't make much sense, unless it is in the context of animal domesticality, of course, which you decide is the case. You might consider her help some other time. 

ROSE: No, sorry.  
ROSE: Is there seriously not anything you can do right now?  
JUNE: hmm…  
JUNE: i guess i could call someone.  
ROSE: I ran into Terezi's a moment ago. She might be free.  
JUNE: that sounds like a fun time.  
JUNE: thanks rose!  


As she spins, her skirt swiftly moving like a carrousel, she lifts off, and disappears with the blue wind. 

But you've been here for a reason. You open the magazine, and go to the last few pages, looking for the guide for "Your Wife." There we go. You have button commands, bossfight guides… No glitches, though. But this might be enough. 

> Rose: Cheat on Your Wife. 

What a marvelous idea. 

As it says on the book, you have to follow these specific steps to get to your desired outcome, which is, supposedly, the Level Select Menu. Granted you don’t want to cheat the cheat of the cheat again, you will follow them accordingly: 

“Step 1: Cry about your wife.” 

You do that every morning, next. 

“Step 2: Yearn for (or cry about) Karkat Vantas.” 

What? That doesn’t sound right. You mean, you guess he might be an admirable fellow, or even attractive (and Dave did say he had milf energies), but you never paid attention to him long enough to have any reason to do that. You keep looking at the steps. 

“Step 3: Realize your marriage is a tragedy.” 

Did. Did you get the right book. 

“Step 4: Meet Karkat Vantas once again.” 

Oh… You know what this guide means now. 

“Step 5: Have s- 

Okay this guide is actually not only a guide to legitimately cheating on your wife but you know exactly who could use this and now you are closing this book and putting it on fire. 

> Rose: Try for a speedrun (any %) instead. 

Ah, that’s one of your specialties. You call this the pillow skip. You get the purple pillow you’ve been hiding inside your pants this whole time (to pretend you just had a giant ass, of course) and lay it down on the inside corner of the open door of GameStop. Then, you, on the outside, run towards the door, pushing it, so the pillow gets stuck in the door. Since you did it correctly, you are launched upwards, outside fanon, and are now free to walk around until you are teleported back to it. And so… 

> Rose: Skip fanon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It gets worse and I am so sorry


	3. Chapter 4: Boob

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose asks a little detective someone for help!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recommend you looking at the tags again if you're reading this at launch; I updated them earlier today!  
> (also this is where shit gets weird so I apologize on advance)

You have skipped to… Someone's office. You don't think Kanaya is here, so damn. You can hear someone making noises under a desk. 

ROSE: Hello?  
???: AH!  


You hear a surprised and familiar voice, who jumped with the sound of yours, and most likely hit their head on the desk you were looking at. 

???: Ow! Jeez.  


And out from it comes one Jane Crocker, dressed in a big, brown coat, with a hat to par, and a fake moustache on her face. You can already feel yourself getting shy by the minute. 

JANE: Hello there!  
ROSE: Oh! Hello, Jane.  
ROSE: Or should I say, "Detective Crocker."  
JANE: That's the name!  
JANE: I don't mind you calling me Jane.  
JANE: Although I have to admit, being called a detective is pretty nice.  
ROSE: That is good to know.  
JANE: So, what brings you here?  


A detective's office, noir-style? Given everything, you must have a pretty easy clue towards why you're here. You reach for your left pocket, and find within it a small piece of paper, saying, "Ask Jane To Help You Find Kanaya" 

ROSE: I seem to be looking for…  


You get closer to her, whispering: 

ROSE: My wife, Kanaya Maryam.  
JANE: What has she done? Do you suspect her?  
ROSE: No, much to the contrary.  
ROSE: I just miss her.  


The whole room gets darker, the shadows on Jane's face getting more and more intense. 

JANE: I did not expect to get such an important case on a Tuesday.  
JANE: But you don't need to worry, my dame.  
JANE: We'll find your wife safe and sound.  


You both get into the Crockermobile, a car designed specifically to look like it both sells cookies AND solves crimes. With it, you get to your home again. Kanaya is still not there. 

JANE: May I enter?  
ROSE: Please, feel at home.  


Jane immediately brings up a magnifying glass, which you're not sure she actually needs. She goes to the kitchen, first. 

JANE: I smell…  
JANE: Do either of you cook, by chance?  
ROSE: Well, I think we both can, but normally it's Kanaya's thing. She's just more determined to her eating habits.  
JANE: And what would those be, if you forgive me asking?  


She's super into this character, isn't she. 

ROSE: Balanced meals. Not many sweets. Neither of us drink. There's garlic.  
JANE: (There's garlic…)  
ROSE: What?  
JANE: Nothing. I was just taking notes.  
JANE: Not many sweets, you say?  
ROSE: Yes.  
JANE: Then what are these brownie packages doing here!?  


You could almost hear the shock. Thunders in sync with her revelation. 

ROSE: Oh.  
ROSE: You wanna eat some?  
JANE: Thank you.  


You see her putting one package inside one of her pockets. She decides to move on to your bedroom. There, she starts opening drawers, and checking under the bed, to see if she could find any clues. 

> Rose: Be Jane. 

You are now Jane Crocker. 

This is quite an interesting bedroom, you have to say. Rose and Kanaya are interesting individuals, in general. Seeing their dynamic in the way this Addams Family themed bedroom goes well with both of their hobbies and attitudes makes you even jealous of it. Come to think of it, a certain alternate version of Rose showed interest in you once. Perhaps you three could have a dinner together one of these days? Oh, how silly you are. Getting sidetracked this hard? You guess there aren't any clue--oh my god is that a note? You pick up a small note you found glued within a piece of wood in a drawer, somehow. It looks important. 

ROSE: You seem awfully quiet. Did you find anything?  


> Jane: Don’t say anything. 

JANE: I’m afraid not.  
JANE: How long was she gone for, anyway?  
JANE: There isn't anything I can really deduce from here.  
ROSE: A couple of hours, I'm sure.  
ROSE: It could just not be serious, too.  
ROSE: But I don't know.  
ROSE: It felt important.  
JANE: Well, this certainly was a journey!  


> Rose: “Journey.” 

A journey, she said? Is that the truth? This entire time, you are just embarking in another journey? Oh you absolutely cannot stand for that. All this trouble to avoid going on a journey, to skip ahead of it, and you end up creating a new one! As if the process of avoiding the destiny given to you, and creating one yourself, is just a given with you. What is your purpose here? Is Rose Lalonde the protagonist? Why? What is the purpose of the other characters, then?  
Terezi, June, Jane? Are they simply machines? Devoid of their actual character developments, being treated as if their arcs were never supposed to exist, showing only the good side of their personas? And perhaps, whatever took you here expected the same to happen to more people? No, no, not any people. Women. That is the pattern you see. The truth you uncover. The Light you acknowledge. Is the Jane who stands in this very room even the one you once knew? Or is the bad clone actually a perfect recreation of the original, making this bidimensional character no more than it once was, and will ever be?  
You hear the thunder outside louder and louder, yet who is to blame? The clouds? Or God? Does it too have a purpose in the same plane you do? Is the shaking of windows it causes, a mild consequence, or a desired effect? You know exactly what this is, who this is, and you cannot tolerate any longer to let it be. To let her be. 

ROSE: Jane.  


You see her preparing brownies, as the storm outside begs her to stay inside. 

JANE: Yes?  


It roars, and cries, but never enough to disturb her. Yet absolutely enough to disturb you. 

ROSE: What's in that paper?  
JANE: Oh! You mean this recipe I keep in my pocket?  
ROSE: No, Jane.  
ROSE: The one you took.  
ROSE: From upstairs.  


She gives it to you, slowly, without further protests. 

The clouds, so dark. You cannot see the skies, or anything beyond your windows. You cannot hear anything beyond the walls of your reality. You cannot feel anything more or less intense than this piece of paper you hold. And you open it. 

The storm pauses. 

"Dont Trust The Narrative" 

You did not read this paper. The paper does not exist, Rose. The paper is a lie. 

???: The Paper Is Not A Lie  
ROSE:  
???: Do Not Say A Word  
???: The Paper Is Not A Lie  


> ???: Stop talking. 


	4. Chapter 3: Fangs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning!!! This chapter has a bit of a description of biting and blood.  
> Don't think it counts as gore though, it's not even on a person; you'll understand.

You are stuck. Once again. It seems as if it is a given, with players of your kind. However, you are definitely not stuck in a safe or hospital place. It is very clear that this is no home to you, and you are not supposed to stay. Yet, here you are.  
You have been here for days. Weeks, perhaps, although you can’t say time exists here. Is it even a physical space? You wouldn’t know. But your essence, your soul, your aura; that is locked up tight somewhere, and that is here, now.  
They say, on Earth, that locking people up is a consequence of their crimes. You are yet to know what crimes you have committed. However, a figure you respect and love, with the deepest feelings within your heart, once told you that this is not a good system; that no one deserves it. And you agree. You have been kept here for too long. And you are getting out.  


> ???: Analyse every single object in this plane with you. 

It is hard to say for sure, for this is no simple third-dimension. But you always keep some belongings that would stay with you no matter the dimension you’re in. Firstly, a lipstick, with a color that is not too red, nor too blue, but calling it purple would be plain wrong for you.  
Secondly, a book, titled “Complacency of the Learned,” written and owned by someone who you adore deeply.  
You obviously already know everything about them, and the one they represent. In your experience, there have been a lot of important things in your life, but she is definitely one of the biggest.  
You just wanted to spend time with her, really. Be with her. But as the world is now, you simply are not allowed. All by fault of forces you cannot control. The control belongs to them, and them only. You are simply a machine, a servant.  
A device. 

Fortunately for you, you were never that important to be controlled. You'd hear often, from your beloved, the word "relevant." It meant something that mattered to whatever this control is. And you simply didn't have it as much. She'd say that she sought for it, but you wouldn't. Never quite understood why you would, after all. And yes, it is true that, sometimes, that is bad for your end; for your tale. However, now? It gives you an opportunity to sneak by, an opportunity to hide in the shadows of the spotlight where the stars lie, which is quite ironic, given you have such a strong photo resistance. 

Another thing your companion would teach you, is to shift your poles. Achieving the same goal, but through opposite means. It sounded a tad too reckless, you'd say. She obviously didn't mind, but the thought of it didn't leave a good taste inside. Now, however, you are in a tough spot, and tough spots call for different approaches. 

Your name is KANAYA MARYAM, and you REALLY MISS YOUR WIFE. You are TRAPPED and LOCKED UP by forces such as GOD and the NARRATIVE. Such forces as powerful (if not more so) than the ones that once operated in THE GAME YOU'VE LOST SWEEPS AGO. The role once assigned to you in said game is SYLPH OF SPACE, however, today you will shift it to the OTHER SIDE, on your own accord. You are being OBSERVED and MANIPULATED, but you plan on changing that, as soon as the spotlight changes its focus once again. 

After all, the spotlight is nothing but a source of light behind a glass, both easily breakable to someone quick, and precise. You, being a rainbow drinker, can easily do such a thing, with the right moves. 

And so, as the watchtower's sight roams around your space, you fade away, not like a lightning bolt, but like a fast tune, notes and notes simply shifting and cruising like a river at max speed. One could say, given the difference between the speed of light, and the speed of sound, that you are in a disadvantage. You politely disagree. After all, the light is what you see, but the sound strikes you dead-on. 

It bites. Sinking in the flesh of the enemy. It steals the vital energy from its veins, like the bloodsucking fangs of a vampire. Drinking, with the thirst of a thousand giants. The dark yet colorful shade of the liquid being stolen from those who own it, being possibly compared to a waterfall in reverse, or to rain clouds that point upwards. The melody feasts on it; relishes on it, like a Prince in their throne. 

> Kanaya: Quit the drama and do what you need to. 

Oh? You have to laugh. It seems someone is underestimating you. 

KANAYA: You Have No Reason To Rush Me  
KANAYA: For The Creations You Expect Me To Begin  
KANAYA: Have Already Been Finished  


I'm sorry? 

KANAYA: You See  
KANAYA: This Entire Thing Was A Distraction  
KANAYA: I Am No Longer Here  
KANAYA: Yet I Never Left  
KANAYA: Almost As If I Have Been Accomplishing Multiple Actions At The Same  
KANAYA: Time  


Oh fuck. 

> Kanaya: Stop this at once. 

KANAYA: I Will Not  
KANAYA: But I Am Going To Do This  


You approach it. "It" meaning the one who controls you. May that even be a single unit, or even a unit that can be described with mere mathematics. None of that matters in the end. It has been keeping you from being with your wife, and that has to stop. So you bring your solution. Your cure. It simply hasn't failed you once. So, you bring your lipstick up, apply it to your lips (ah, what a nice color), turn it into the Blades Of Omnipotent Breakings (your newest chainsaw model) and finally, you s 

I Saw The Story In Half 


	5. Chapter 2,5 | Chapter 5/2 | Chapters 1, 2, 3:4, 4:3 /2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can't even explain it at this point.

[CHAPTER 2,5] 

[SCENE TRANSITION]  
[LOCATION: LIVING ROOM]  
[CHARACTERS: JUNE EGBERT, TEREZI PYROPE]  


TEREZI: SUP LOS3RS  


[AUDIENCE CHEERS]  


JUNE: terezi, who are you talking to?  
TEREZI: TH3 4UD13NC3!!  


[AUDIENCE CHEERS AGAIN] 

JUNE: what, do you think we're in a sit com or something?  


[AUDIENCE LAUGHTER] 

TEREZI: PR3TTY MUCH  


[LAUGHTER CONTINUES] 

JUNE: okay, homo.  


[LAUGHTER GETS MORE INTENSE] 

TEREZI: TH1S HURTS  


[LAUGHTER STOPS] 

TEREZI: JUN3  
JUNE: yes?  
TEREZI: WHY 4R3 W3 H3R3??  
JUNE: i don't know, terezi, it's your house!  


[MORE LAUGHTER] 

TEREZI: UGHHH  
TEREZI: 1 M34NT WHY 4R3 W3 1N TH3 N4RR4T1V3  
JUNE: :?  
TEREZI: TH4T'S MY F4C3!!  


[ADDITIONAL LAUGHTER] 

TEREZI: YOU S41D ROS3 H4D SOM3TH1NG 1MPORT4NT TO DO R1GHT??  
JUNE: yeah, pretty much.  
JUNE: she seemed to be in a...  


[CHAPTER 5/2] 

KANAYA: Hurry  
KANAYA: Hurry Is What It Told Me  
KANAYA: I Do Not Know Whether That Means It Expected Me To Fail In A Desperate Rush  
KANAYA: Or To Win And End Its Burden  
KANAYA: That Doesnt Matter Much In The End  
KANAYA: As I Do Not Have The Blessing Of Narration To Guide My Thoughts Along  
KANAYA: I Will Instead Just Say It To Myself  
KANAYA: Sparing The Unnecessary Exposition From My Own Thinkpan  
KANAYA: It Has Been A Ride To Approach Things In A Different Way  
KANAYA: Although It Ended Being About Hopping Fast Like A Vampire Either Way  
KANAYA: So I Guess The Cycle Of Stupidity Continues  


[CHAPTER 2] 

JUNE: can i help you with anything else?  
JUNE: i'm not really busy with anything.  
ROSE: Hmm…  


You think about it. June? The Heir of Breath? Helping you with your mildly erotic and soul-fulfilling goals of felony and homosexuality? Sounds appealing… 

> ROSE: Decide. 

But you have to Say Yes  
Wait, what?  


ROSE: I guess you could.  


No, no, this isn’t how Oh But It Is  
You Grab June By The Hand And Leave To Fly Around Together  


JUNE: wow, i.  
ROSE: Weren’t expecting this, were you?  
JUNE: no! not at all.  
ROSE: Thing is, me neither.  
ROSE: I don’t know what happened.  
ROSE: Normally, abrupt events like these just feel like a neutral, omnipotent force commanding our current state of relevance to its will.  
ROSE: However, this just felt like.  
ROSE: The right thing.  
JUNE: you mean…  
JUNE: holding hands?  


You Laugh 

ROSE: In a sense, yes.  
ROSE: But that is not what I meant.  
ROSE: Holding your hand, although nice and warm, is merely a gesture of our friendship.  
ROSE: Unless you want me to let go now.  
JUNE: n-no need!  
ROSE: Me accepting you here is the unexpected part.  
ROSE: I felt like I was going to reject you.  
JUNE: huh.  
JUNE: that’s certainly some weird canon shit!  
JUNE: but i don’t think i mind.  
JUNE: and hey,  
JUNE: your hands are nice and warm too.  


God Damn How I Wish That Were Me 

[CHAPTER 1] 

It's not like the first option isn't important, or honorable. In fact, it is, more so than the one you chose. However, this kind of job is for something like a Heir, or a Thief, not someone as chill as you - a Seer - are. You could, for example, guide such a great hero to a world of women loving women, breaking the fanon ruling of your sweet brother and his hella companion, and replacing it with the beautiful image of you, and your beloved wife, exchanging tender kisses, while sitting on the throne. However, such an adventure would be too… Lawful, you might say. You are not the kind that sticks to the rules when pursuing your wishes. That is for the weak of heart. And you do actually mean "heart" as in the organ, not the aspect. Fuck the Heart aspect. 

> ???: Tell Rose she sounds too angry. 

Yeah Sure That I Will  
My Loving Companion You Sound Angry  
Which Is Completely Understandable And I Love You A Lot  
However You Need To Recognize It So You Dont Go Overboard  
Not That You Will Now  
But Still  
I Love You  
Still Wish I Could Kiss You Not Gonna Lie  


Why do you sound so angry? I mean, of course, you have full reason to be, but is this perhaps a purposeful anger, or an exaggerated one, one that you should get rid of? Perhaps Kanaya… Oh, Kanaya. What a delight of a woman. You wish she was here with you right now. Perhaps you’ll look for her, because you have things to tell her. Sweet things, feelings you shouldn’t repress. 

[CHAPTER 3: CHAPTER 4] 

Okay Im Not Messing With The Characters Here Yet Just Passing By To 

JUNE: hi jane!  


Oh My God June Is There 

JANE: Oh! I didn't see you two ladies there!  
ROSE: We knocked, you told us to get in.  


Did I Break This Chapter 

JUNE: we're looking for terezi.  


Wait 

ROSE: We were looking for Kanaya, with the help of Terezi, but now that little creacher is lost as well.  


Holy Fuck I Was Just Going To Leave This Note In Roses Pocket Okay 

JANE: When's the last time you've seen her?  


Would Rose Mind If I Put My Ghost Hands In Her Ass Pocket 

JUNE: in ikea, we think.  


I Dont Have Time For This 

[CHAPTER 3: CHAPTER 4, BUT A BIT LATER] 

I Am Going To Magically Tape This Note Here Too Goodbye  
Wow This Place Smells Good  


[CHAPTER 2,5] 

JUNE: wow, terezi, what a night!  
JUNE: can’t believe we went out with the girls  
TEREZI: W3 D1D??  
JUNE: yeah!  
TEREZI: 1S TH4T 4LL  
JUNE: yeah.  


[AUDIENCE DOES NOT CARE] 

[CHAPTER 5/2] 

KANAYA: Oh Rose  
KANAYA: If Only I Could See You Right Now  
KANAYA: Hopefully That Will Happen Soon  
KANAYA: I Still Have A Bit Of Paper  
KANAYA: So I Guess I Can Kill Some  
KANAYA: Time  
KANAYA: Haha  
KANAYA: I Am Funny  
KANAYA: Haha  
KANAYA: Perhaps Switching Methods Really Did Lead Me To The Same Effects  
KANAYA: I Feel Lonely  



	6. Love

You are so pissed off. This is preposterous. 

ROSE: The narrative is a bitch ass motherfucker.  
ROSE: It fucked my wife.  
ROSE: Not literally, but still.  
ROSE: You are a coward!  
ROSE: Taking our friends, turning them into bland, bidimensional characters…  
ROSE: It's a crime of writing.  
ROSE: You should be ashamed of yourself.  
ROSE: Not even I got the arc I needed!  
ROSE: What is the point of this, then?  
ROSE: Argh!  


You throw everything you see with great strength. 

ROSE: You like playing with lightning, yes?  
ROSE: Watch this, then!  


You pick up your needles and start charging them with a ton of energy. They'll never see it coming. So, you unleash it as the skies, taking it out on… On… 

Sigh. 

What am I doing?  
I just want my wife back.  
Why would you take her away like that?  
Why?  
I'm so tired…  
What do I have to do?  
Just tell me one thing…  


As I said that, one crack in the sky opened, with a familiar sound of machinery. From it, fell a piece of paper, slowly and directly onto my hands. It read: 

Oh My Sweet Flowery Companion  
I Long To See You One More Time  
But Our Story Seems To Be A Canyon  
Of Obstacles That All Intertwine  


So I Write My Words In Your Color Purple  
Which To Your Name Is Ironically Incorrect  
And To Our Love Of Maidens Immortal  
I Just Know We Shall Soon Connect  


ROSE: Oh, my love.  
ROSE: I…  
ROSE: Thank you.  
ROSE: Thank you so much.  


I fall down to my knees, barely being able to stand. 

My name is ROSE MARYAM-LALONDE, and I am CRYING UNCONTROLLABLY about my WIFE, as I do during EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE. And the thought of it might scare someone, but, really, I am just so happy with her. A LONG TIME AGO, I'd have more difficulty with this handling of my ABUNDANCE OF FEELINGS, but now, it's okay. I'm okay. And I hope she is, too. 

As I finally understand what to do, I let myself fall completely to the ground, and simply think about my lover Kanaya being here. What a beautiful thought that is. But it comes true, as a bigger crack in the sky forms, and she falls from it. I jump. 

And with great precision, I catch her. 

ROSE: I got you.  
KANAYA: You Got Me  


We fall to the ground together, and look at each other for a long time. 

KANAYA: So  
KANAYA: Hello  
ROSE: Hello!  
KANAYA: Hello!  
ROSE: It's you!  
KANAYA: Its Me!  
ROSE: BABE, IT'S YOU!!!  
KANAYA: I KNOW!!!  


Both of us laugh very loudly, while we put our hands on each other, to get a grip on that reality. The reality of us being together again. 

ROSE: I LOVE YOU!!!!!  
KANAYA: I KNOW!!!  
KANAYA: AND I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!  


Neither of us maintain our regular kind of speech, for our heartbeats would not let that happen. 

ROSE: CAN I HOLD YOUR HAND?  
KANAYA: YES!!!!!  
KANAYA: OF COURSE YOU CAN!!!  


It feels so nice!!! It feels like her! The woman I love. The woman I wake up with every morning, and sleep with every night. I love her so much. 

ROSE: I love you so much.  
KANAYA: I Love You Too My Love  
KANAYA: Although I Love You Deeper  
ROSE: What? No you don't! I do!  
KANAYA: Im Sorry Babe But Thats Just How It Is  
KANAYA: I Love You To A Level That You Cannot Comprehend  
ROSE: But I love you more than that.  
ROSE: I love you more than fanon could ever understand.  
KANAYA: I Really Missed This  
ROSE: I missed you too. So much.  
ROSE: I'm so happy we're here.  
KANAYA: I Am Just As Joyful  


We stop talking for a few seconds, yet it felt like centuries holding each other and looking at the moon. 

KANAYA: How Was Your Day At Work Darling  
ROSE: It was quite something.  
ROSE: Found a lot of friends while I tried to find you.  
KANAYA: So Ive Heard  
ROSE: Oh?  
KANAYA: Just Wished To Hear From The Source  
ROSE: That's fair.  
KANAYA: And The Source Being This  


She said, as she touched my lips with her index finger. 

ROSE: Oh? You're approaching me?  
KANAYA: Cant Kiss You On The Lips Without Getting Closer  


She was right. She'd put her arms close to me, her hands with a tight grip on my body, and her lips on mine. I don't particularly know how to describe gestures of affection, being so dependant on raw emotion and physicality, but if I could, I'd say that every time I kissed her, it felt like something out there was telling me that god (as in an omnipotent being, as opposed to the type of godhood we achieved through post-resurrection and immortality) is real, and a woman. That woman. 

ROSE: Can I ask you something, Kanaya?  
KANAYA: Of Course My Love  
ROSE: Are you… Gay?  
KANAYA: Ah  
KANAYA: Yes  
KANAYA: Yes I Am  
ROSE: Cool. Can I ask something else?  
KANAYA: Go Ahead  
ROSE: Do you want to go home and do a little more than hold hands and kiss?  
KANAYA: If You Mean Wed Do Both Of Those Things And Additionally Dance Together To The Sound Of Slow Songs About Female On Female Longing I Will Accept That Offer  
ROSE: I love you, wife.  
KANAYA: Me Too Rose  
KANAYA: Me Too  



End file.
